I'm now in an isolation room awaiting my scan. They just injected me with radioactive glucose using a 2 inch lead syringe. Now I'm supposed to sit for about an hour so that the glucose can absorb into my cells, and then lie in the "tube" for about 45 minutes while they take various pictures.
I've been begging the Lord all day that the scan would be accurate and that there would be no more cancer. I'm so frustrated with my body. I was once so youthful, and free, and now just about everything is painful and difficult. I even choke on my own saliva so I constantly have to spit in a cup.
Lord, please rescue me from my anxieties and complaining. You have been so faithful to me. You spared me from self destruction during my adolecent years. You were faithful to answer my cries to rescue me from my lonely, miserable life, and brought me into a life as your child. You answered my prayers for a wife and gave me more than I could have imagined. When Gracie was born on our bathroom floor you answered our cries for Grace and Gracie's lives, and Gracie was healthier than we could have imagined. You answered the first time I had surgery, radiation and chemo to restore me and make me as good as new. You answered when we begged to move to Minnesota. You provided a house for us. You've taken care all our needs these past 6 months, and you even answered our prayers to lessen the pain.
When we prayed a few years back that we would not waste our lives and that we would have an impact on this world, and that you would rescue us from our desire to live for the typical American dream of a 3 car garage, comfort, ease and a retirement package, you answered with cancer. It is your hand that has afflicted us for your glory. To teach us and those around us that you are God, and worthy of worship and praise. Don't let us waste this cancer.
Help me to have the mind of Christ. Who for the joy set before Him endured the cross . Help me to have joy in my suffering, joy in my humiliation. Please give me joy in weakness and in shame.
Time to scan.