Tuesday, October 07, 2008


I get the PET scan results tomorrow morning. I was definately more anxious the past few weeks than I am right now. Now I kind of want to get tomorrow over with. Even if the doctor says I'm cancer free, it really just means for the time being. Thats what they said last year at my first scan after radiation and chemo. We got a negative scan in August, moved to Minnesota, and got a questionable scan in January followed by a positive in March. We'll always be on our toes, but if the Lord wills we will soon be able to make bigger steps towards a more settled lifestyle.

Tonight our family prayed together in our living room about tomorrow's results. At first I wasn't in a super spiritual praying mood but as I started to pray the Holy Spirit starting convicting me that I feel aggrevated that things aren't in order in my life. Like I wanted tomorrow's results to be negative so that I can finally get my ducks in a row and be able to sit back and relax. I quickly realized that even if the scan is negative, things aren't ever going to be easy. I have major disabilities particularly with speech and swallowing that will make life uncomfortable for the rest of my life. But God wants me to be content in difficulty. Sean Higgins, the student ministries pastor at our old church, used to always say that you need to "ETP" or enjoy the process. That is the key to godliness. I need to be content AND happy to suffer with cancer, or suffer without it. Otherwise I'm going to be one hard-to-get-along-with husband and father for the rest of my life.

I'll keep you posted tomorrow afternoon (Oct 8) on the results of my scan. Good night.

P.S. Phil Johnson added our blog to his list of things to read while the Pyromaniacs take October off of blogging (Thanks Phil!). I've noticed that this has significantly increased traffic to our site. If you are new to our blog I want to welcome you to experience this trial with us and grow as we grow (first cancer blog is 1/15/07). I know everybody feels the pains of trials in their own unique way, so let's persevere together. I invite those who don't know us to join in and comment, or email me to introduce yourself. We'd love to hear from you and quite frankly could use the encouragement. Thanks for visiting!


  1. not sure if bloggers can make a living wage, but writers can, and you are one eloquent(sp?) writer! what a gift!!!

    my family is daily carrying you all in our prayers and our hearts. your love for Jesus pours out of every post and is challenging and encouraging us in our walk with Him. THANK YOU for being so vulnerable, open and transparent....you are a blessing to us.

    Although we have never met we wanted to leave a message and say hello :-)

  2. Lifting you up in prayer. I am so thankful for your transparency in your writings. Love you.
    --Steven & Amanda

  3. I was referred to your blog many months ago by Naz Tari whom my husband and I go to church with.

    I am praying for you (courageous you!), your beautiful and amazing wife and your children as you endure these trials.

    My husband was dx at age 40 with colorectal cancer. It recurred in June '07 in his lungs (to the tune of six tumors) and then a solitary metastases to his skull May '08. His cancer progressed on all of the standard chemos so now he is in a clinical trial at USC Norris in Los Angeles. I thought I could give you our website and we can pray for each other. Go to caringbridge.org and enter the name paulmiller1. The first time there is a brief profile but after that it is just your email address to enter the site.

    We can encourage each other to stay strong during our times of need. To remain faithful and looking to be incredible witness' of Christ's glory through our trials.

    I am anxiously awaiting your PET results and look forward to your post. No matter what, He is with us and will never forsake us. We have to trust.
    Peace be with you,
    Wendy Miller

  4. andrew, your own candor with this daily battle serves to remind us of what really matters - and to help us realize most of us are a bunch of wining babies! so convicting! you're in our prayers, brother.

  5. I'm new to reading your blog, and I'm really encouraged that you are still holding yourself accountable for you attitude during this time. I'll be praying for you often!

  6. Grace and Andrew,

    What a day today will be! We are all watching and waiting to see how the Lord is going to answer our prayers. Thank you for all that you have shared and for helping me wrestle through thoughts of our frailty, "vaporness," and thoughts of eternity. Thank you for helping me to have a bigger view of our God, His greatness, His goodness, His kindness to carry us through trials. How perplexing this must be to the world. Joy in trials? Joy in trials to this magnitude? Thank you for being a living example of the Gospel. I am praying for you today and rejoicing with you that our God hears prayers and that all He does is good. Let us draw near to Him and find the grace and mercy available to us in time of need.


  7. hi andrew and grace,

    i am a "random" person in Northern California whom you don't know, but I found your blog through a few people that i know. i have been reading from time to time and am deeply moved, saddened, yet also encouraged by your journey. your blog is also teaching me to look at my life and spiritual walk differently. i just wanted you to know that you have another sister praying for your family during this time.

    with love,