Saturday, September 20, 2008

We're covered, right?


I woke up this morning and felt really anxious about all the different pressures and pains I feel around my head and neck. I sat up in bed to make it a little easier to breathe as Grace lay beside me still sleeping. I thought, "if cancer did return and took my life, what would I want it to be like at that very last moment when I breathe my last?"

When Grace woke up I told her that I was really struggling. She rolled over onto my chest and looked straight into my eyes. Tears began to roll down my cheeks and I said, "If I die. I want you to smile and not cry. I want you to be happy and excited for me. Then I'll be the happiest I've ever been, for that last moment."

What bothers me so much about the thought of death, other than extreme pain, is the thought of leaving my wife to be so sad without me to comfort her.

She asked, "Are you afraid to die?"

"No. I'm more afraid of what is going to happen to you guys."

Grace responded, "I struggle more with being afraid to die, but God has given me the faith to believe that He's just going to take care of us if you die. He's always been faithful. Then we're covered, right? God has provided special faith for you to not be afraid to die, and He has provided me with special faith to trust that everything will be alright without you."

I wish people could see just how wonderful my wife is. Her smile is like the bright morning sun that wakes you up assured that it is going to be a good happy day. And her kind words melt away the fear and loneliness that are an impenetrable block of ice around my heart.

It almost makes me angry that people don't always see the multifaceted beauty that I see in her every day. Its like you take the 7:14 AM commuter bus into the city and you sit next to the same group of strangers in suits every day not knowing that one of them is an angel. That's Grace.


  1. *wow* ... beautifully written ...

  2. oh silly ones...I know she is an do not need to convince me!

  3. The faith, peace, grace, and strength God has given you both is so comforting to us as we read your blog. Your beautiful entries are amazingly encouraging!
    Please find comfort in knowing that we are praying for you as God continues showing Himself mighty in your lives.
    In His love,
    Dave and Cynthia

  4. That's why her name is Grace! By the grace of God she compliments you pefectly! Only God can do that, only HE can create a divine bond like you and Grace have, Andrew.
    God bless you both today and forever and ever.
    <>< Mary

  5. God is so good in the way that He provides peace for each person going through a crisis. May He continue to give both of you the eternal perspective that you have right now. May He strengthen you both for the things ahead.

  6. Praise the Lord for your precious wife, Grace!


  7. The memories of our times with Grace just make us smile - every time we think of her. Always. Everyone who knows her knows that she makes you can't help it when around Grace. You smile. Her name fits her so well - we've always thought that.

    We love you guys and are praying for you all the time!

    Resting under the shelter of His wings with you,

    Todd and Julie and family