Tuesday, July 01, 2008


About eight days ago, Andrew's mom left and returned to her home in New Jersey. It was our first week without her in a month and our first week after treatments ended. At first it seemed to be going well by God's grace. It felt like I was riding a wave, trying to breathe, and keep calm. Each day was a mad competition to stay ahead of the game, lest I fall one step behind and an avalanche collapse on me. Essentially, I function like a single mom of two toddlers/24-7 nurse.

Then Saturday Andrew took another dip into misery and utter exhaustion, and thus needed me even more. As a result, this week everything is clearly beyond me and everyone is a little neglected including Andrew.

One of the things that made a big difference when Andrew's mom was here was that if Andrew needed me, I could suddenly leave the kids and attend to him. Andrew had a special knock on the wall that he would do whenever he was calling me.

Now, if I suddenly need to attend to Andrew, the kids always happen to be eating one of their meals, and toddlers really can't be left alone while they are eating. If I run up to Andrew, something always happens so that Gracie always ends up screaming at the top of her lungs, which even from upstairs is ear-shattering and impossible to ignore. I am running up and down the stairs and nobody's getting the help they really need.

The worse off Andrew is, the more he sleeps, and thus the less he communicates. He is too exhausted to think about his needs, and so what he really needs me to do is constantly be contemplating what possibly could be his needs and how I can meet them. But anyone who has two toddlers knows that they are a totally distracting job from life, let alone distracting from someone who actually needs your 100% attention. I have always wished I could just sit at Andrew's bedside all day and just stare at him trying to scheme of ways I can not only help along his recovery, but be a comfort to him as well.

Please pray the Lord would provide the grace to take good care of Andrew. To have the wisdom and presence of mind to be able to keep track of what his constantly changing and fluctuating needs are, as well as the strength to stay on top of all the labor to meet his needs and the essential needs of our family.


  1. Wow, that is tough...you guys are in my thoughts and prayers.

  2. Hi Grace; I have never met you, I found your blog a while ago from someone else's blog but I can't remember who's. Anyways, I have been praying for you and Andrew daily. I wish so bad I could go over and help out but I live in So. Calif. I am burdened for you and for Andrew. Does your church have a college and career ministry or even the high school ministry? Could a couple girls rotate coming over during the summer at least and help watch your little ones and/or help with housework? I will pray that you will get the help you need. Don't beat yourself up though, God has given you enough strength to get done what He has planned for you. I think as mom's and wives, we tend to put more expectations on ourselves. Enjoy your family! I am praying.

  3. wow, what a tough situation. i have enough trouble trying to anticipate all of my husbands needs, and it's just the two of us - albeit in a whole new world where the conveniences of home aren't available. we'll be praying for supernatural strength to meet the needs of both gracie and a.j. and andrew as well. we love you guys!

  4. Dear Grace and Andrew:
    Our prayers are with you this very moment. We pray that help is on its way...
    Stay healthy and take a deep breath, Grace : ) 'My grace is sufficient for you.'
    Gloria, NJ

  5. Dear Andrew & Grace,

    I have just read your last few entries and find myself weeping and laughing and cheering and grieving with you all once again. So much is happening - so many good things and so many difficult things. Please know that while I am not a "post-er" of comments, I am reading your blog regularly and I am praying - deeply praying - for God's sustaining grace to carry you along every step of each day, moment by moment. I have a young family too and understand the demands young children place on mommy. And now your husband needs you most. May God's grace sustain you and may His strength be yours as He carries you along in His faithful, capable arms!

    "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty!"

    We love you dearly!

    Julie & Todd and Family
    Michigan (and yes, we are still Bruins at heart!)

  6. praying... -The Dennisons