Saturday, January 31, 2009



Andrew is still here. We got a hospital-grade humidifier with a mask with an oxygen machine earlier this week, and he discovered that some of what was exacerbating his breathing problems was dried mucous. A cold has been going through our household and it's likely that Andrew got it too, but it wasn't obvious because his pain medications covered a lot of the symptoms. Before this discovery, it seemed like Andrew's breathing was getting exponentially worse each day and I wasn't even sure if he would make it to the end of the week. For that reason, Andrew's parents are now with us again. He says he still feels tumors causing swelling in his throat, but it's not increasing in size as rapidly every day as I had feared. Every day I wake up, look over, and see that he's still alive. I consider him living each day on a miracle now. Each breath breathed into him by God. But I suppose that's the reality that each of us live on every day of our lives, we just take it for granted.

So far, he has not gotten a trache put into his throat yet. We had figured that since his oxygen levels were still at a %100 and that his breathing had improved since getting the humidifier, he didn't feel ready yet to get the trache. There is the risk that he won't even make it through the surgery or that even if he does, will it even give him more time with all the trauma it will cause in exchange for the breaths, and will the pain be so unmanageable that he will be sedated to the point of it being like he's already left? Please continue to pray for wisdom for us, as he may still get the trache put in this Wednesday.

Please also continue to pray that Andrew (and the rest of us) will get good rest at night. He wakes often due to coughing, discomfort, etc. I spend most of the day in the room with him as he rests, feeding him his juices and the countless things that need to be done for him, trying to comfort him, and just be with my love. Grace Lindeman continues to make his 9 fresh juices, food, and various things. We continue to do the therapy.

My sister and Sam Jay took the kids a lot during the day each week. And now that Andrew's parents are here, they watch the kids. I miss the kids a lot, but at least I get to see them when I leave the room. By the way, my eczema has been clearing up, but please continue to pray that it will heal.

I can't explain the peace that God has given me through this time. I feel very literally as if His peace is guarding my heart. There are, of course, periods of crying when I think of my love being gone. The disappointment. How our recent 5 year anniversary seems to mean that we are practically newlyweds. Our hopes had been that we would spend the rest of our lives together. I had thought that knowing who you would spend the rest of your life with would seem scary and final, but found that the idea of spending my life with Andrew made me smile and feel relieved and excited. We had thought that our lives would be beautiful no matter what adventure life brought us, because we were together. Eventually, I pictured years down the road, a full, loud house teeming with kids, overflowing out onto the yard, the kids screaming as they played tag. I cry when I pause past our wedding pictures in the living room because they remind me of those hopes. We looked so happy and hopeful that day. It almost seems like we were fools from this vantage. Yet, those feelings of sadness, as pure as they feel, the pure feeling of sadness unmixed with other feelings, do not feel like despair. I cry and then when I'm done, I feel fine again. I know there is no other explanation except that the Lord is sustaining me with incredible peace that only comes at desperate times like these, where all else falls away, and all there can be is Jesus.

Don't think that I have spent the last almost year of this trial in peace like this. Trust me, there are times where I spent long periods walking in my flesh and not trusting the Lord, so deep in my flesh, I didn't even know it. I believe my peace now is due to all of you praying like crazy for me and and also that in unique times, times of emergencies, I believe God gives special grace to wives. It is His grace, definitely not something I have labored for.

I remember when Erik Greene from our church in Washington unexpectedly was rushed to the ER and was not expected to make it through the night. They did not know what had happened to him, except that he was not going to live. I could hardly think about Andrew who was about to go into his first cancer surgery January of '07, his surgery paling in comparison to Erik's situation. I was horrified at the idea of Erik leaving his wife and four children. I wept for three days pleading with the Lord for his healing. Erik survived the first night and spent the next few weeks in a coma. Despite the doctor telling his wife to unplug him after a few weeks, she continued to have unmovable hope. When I saw her, I couldn't believe the peace she had. Not only did Erik wake up from his coma, he's doing great today.

And so, I believe God has a special place for wives that are His, while those observing help carry the burden by taking the role of weeping and praying and maybe even having to suffer more grief than that of the wife for that time. So please keep praying for me, because the Lord is answering. I can feel you are praying for me, because this is definitely not of me.

Though Andrew's suffering is more than most anyone will suffer in their lifetime, and it may not feel or look like it, we all must continue to believe that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, and that it is all for His glory (Romans 8). We must ask God to give us the faith to believe that. We can pour out our frustrations and griefs and questions honestly to Him, because they are no secret to Him, and only He can change our hearts.

"Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62:7-9

Please continue to pray
- for REST at night especially for Andrew, but for all of us too
- that Andrew will be able to breathe easily and not need the trache. For wisdom whether to get it or not
- that the peace of Christ would guard our hearts, as well as his parents' hearts
- for a miraculous escape from death
- that our suffering would result in us knowing Christ more intimately (Phil. 3).


  1. Grace, we are praying for you and Andrew... and the the kids. If you read this, please tell Andrew I love him. I miss you guys.

    ~Sou & Quan

  2. Thank you for updating. We continue to pray for you guys.

    -Steven & Angie

  3. Dear Andrew and Grace:
    Thank you so much for the update, that 'Andrew is still here'.
    Your faith is so inpiring : )
    We'll pray for a good day for you and your family, as well as items on your prayer list.
    Peace and blessings,
    Gloria from NJ

  4. Grace, even though we do not know each other, I love you and am praising God for the peace He's given you. I am praying for Andrew, you and your family.

    With great love,


  5. A sister in the Lord shared about your family tonight at church and I remembered reading your blog months back and was able to find it again tonight. I praise God for His sustaining grace in your life and will continue to pray for His perfect peace and wisdom for you in the days to come. Your words are a testimony of our infinitely wonderful God who knows you perfectly and has written words of hope in His Word to comfort your hearts. Placerita Baptist Church in CA is praying for you.
    Your sister in Christ,
    Elizabeth Roth

  6. I trust that there are many who wanted to post, but are lacking the words.
    Since God has not taken many of us through where you currently are it is hard to know exactly what to say, but I will try.

    Our Gracious Lord has chosen your family to be right where you are now, because He has a perfect plan for all of this. Though these times are never easy, it is His strength that enables us to endure, and in this endurance comes the faith which results in our being made complete in Him.

    God is truly using both of you in a marvelous way, to teach others what it looks like, tangibly, to trust Him, especially when there is no where else to turn. How great is it that the only place to turn is absolutely the best place?
    His grace is sufficient, His strength is made perfect in our weakness, you can do all things through Him who strengthens you, He is our hiding place in the time of storm, The Rock we can cling to, our Great Hope, The Healer and He loves and cares for His own.

    Grace and Andrew, we will pray for your strength, that your faith would remain strong to the end, that His peace would be very near to you and that He would show Himself to you in the sweetest of ways. Taste and see that the Lord is Good. Blessed is the man that trusts in Him.
    Fight the good fight and keep the faith.

  7. Grace,

    I don't really know how to respond to this entry other than to tell you that Stu and I are continually praying for strength for you and Andrew. There hasn't been a day in the last year that we haven't thought about you or hoped for the best for you and your family. The courage the two of you share and exhibit is incredible and admirable. You have shown us all the power of faith and prayer, and I know everyone will be praying more than ever for Andrew's recovery. I know I will.
    Sharon Hong

  8. I and the girls in my small group (7 of us total) from GOC have been praying for you all. One of the girls in particular was so encouraged and moved by how much grace God has given to you through such huge life trials. It was a reminder to her to trust in the Lord with her much much smaller daily trials. Because of her compassion for your family I decided to read your blog posts in small group last week and pray over your requests. I think it's something that we will continue to do each time you post. So thank you for taking time to write, and please be encouraged to know that you are being prayed over.

  9. Oh Grace,
    There are no words at a time like this. Just rest, knowing you are not forgotten by your church family in WA and there are MANY people entreating the Father on your and Andrew's behalf.
    -Erica Wainwright

  10. Andrew and Grace, you are on our hearts and in our prayers. We wish we could be there to help.

    Truly, the Lord gives peace not as the world gives. It is much deeper, rooted on the solid rock which will not move, and higher, reaching to the heavens with hope that will become sight. We pray that His presence and His peace may continue to surround you in the midst of the storm. He will not let you go.

  11. dearest gracie: my heart is with you as you continue to go through this dark valley. i've had some sleepless nights lately with a nasty cold, plus the normal discomforts of being 8 months pregnant, and whenever i'm hurting, i'm reminded of our dear brother andrew who is suffering so much more than i am. it serves as a reminder to continue going before the throne on your behalf. we love you both and wish we could be with you to make meals and watch the kids and do anything we can to help. but since all we can do from the far corners of the world is pray, we'll keep doing that.

  12. Hello Grace and Andrew.

    My wife and I have been following your blog and we have truly been blessed, challenged, rebuked and strengthened in our faith by your living examples.

    Your blog and testimony is pure ministry to our hearts.

    I just wanted to say 'Thank You' for being so courageous in the faith and just so real with everything that's going on.

    I will do my best to keep you guys in my prayers!!!

  13. Andrew and Grace~
    You have blessed us more than we can say, by opening up your hearts here on this post and showing us Christ alive in you. There is not a day, sometimes hour, that goes by when we are not praying for you or talking about your faithful example of what it means to walk along side Him through these most difficult times. We are praying that you continue to feel the peace that only He can give.
    Praying and sending our love in Christ,
    The Caceres Family

  14. Grace and Andrew,

    Hello from Lake Stevens! Nancy and I pray for you; our 3rd and 4th grade Sunday School class recorded a message to you yesterday.

    Your faith and trust are all that matters; we know that God has a plan for this, and it's for our good and His glory. I'm not sure we'll understand it all some day, but I also don't think we'll really care, face to face with our Savior! What a thought!

    Be assured of our continual prayer support.

    Arden and Nancy

  15. Grace,

    My heart aches very deeply for you & your family at this time. Especially for you since you & I have been in similar situations. I think you visited my blog awhile back. My husband went home to be with the Lord 9 months ago after a 2 year cancer battle. You are absolutely right in that the Lord places a special anointing for the caretakers. He has continued to put a special hedge of grace around me & my 3 kids. I'm encouraged to see that you are standing strong in the Lord & clinging to His promises. I will be standing in the gap with you in prayer.

    Love your sister in Christ,

  16. Grace, Everyone at Calvary Baptist is lifting Andrew and you up in prayer constantly.
    Cheryl Frueh

  17. You and Andrew have shown much courage and strength during this most difficult time. I continue to pray for you and your family. Praise the Lord for His amazing grace. For he is the ultimate Great Physician!! You have been an encouragement to me as I have a chronic illness and become overwhelmed at times. Thank you!

    Mindy Walker

  18. Our hearts cry out to God for you often. We pray it would be His will to heal Andrew for the glory of Christ.

    Psalm 32:10-11 - "Many are the sorrows of the wicked, But he who trusts in the LORD, lovingkindness shall surround him. Be glad in the LORD and rejoice, you righteous ones; And shout for joy, all you who are upright in heart.

    Love in Christ,
    --Todd and Lisa

  19. Andrew and Grace,

    I know the Lord is holding both of you very closely in His arms.

    Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

    -Lisa C from NJ

  20. I just want to say thank you for fighting the good fight, not only for yourselves but to the people who can see your testimony, and for me especially.

    Your family is always in my prayers.

  21. Andrew and Gracie,
    This sounds weird, but I pray for you when I nurse my baby so please know you are being prayed for regularly, and even around the clock! Take care,
    Jenni Wong

  22. Dear Grace,
    I am praying for you and Andrew and your family.
    Carolyn B.

  23. Hi Grace. I love you and I thank you for your faith and your humility. I am confident that this IS for Him- from Him- and that he is taking care of you. Thank you for letting me in and letting me serve you. Your humility and honesty bless me and challenge me as a wife and friend.

    Love, Mel