One of the hardest parts of the day is to sit with my family and eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with them. An abundance of my favorite foods are strewn out across the table and my nostrils are filled with rich aromas of garlic, and breads, and pasta and sauces. I suddenly feel envious of others who get to taste and eat rather than having to inject medical formula directly into their stomach with a syringe. My mouth waters as I cherish vivid memories of being satisfied with a hearty meal after a long workout at the gym. Then I cringe in fear of not being able to experience that ever again. To be hungry for the rest of my life.
Can there be anything on God's good earth that is more satisfying than my wife's lentil soup or my mom's chinese cooking? Food is a wonderful thing and it used to bring me so much joy and satisfaction, but can I still have joy without it?
I struggle all day long to answer yes to that question. People often express their deep sympathy to me and say, "its just not fair that you would have to go through this. That really sucks". I often struggle in my mind thinking the same thing. The truth is that it isn't fair. My life just isn't fair.
Lets look at just a few of the facts of my unfair life.
1) Born 9/11/81 to loving parents, David and Joyce Mark.
2) My parents loved me.
3) My parents loved me so much that they never gave up on me despite my disrespect and rebellion. They always supported me.
4) I got to go to UCLA for college and experience so many things in life.
5) I became a Christian at the age of 20 and got to go to John Macarthur's church and learn so much about God through the bible.
6) I miraculously landed a job at Motorola, which I absolutely love. Going to work for me was exciting and fun.
7) I married the most amazing, beautiful, bright, caring person, aka Grace Uriarte.
8) We had AJ - the coolest kid on the block.
9) Then we got to have Gracie, sweet little Gracie.
10) Then I had cancer, but God restored me to complete health after that.
11) We got to move to Minnesota and we absolutely love it here.
12) I got cancer again and survived a very complicated surgery.
Its just not fair that I got to live richly for this long, while others die young. Its just not fair that God would sacrifice His only Son so that I could be forgiven of my sins and receive life everlasting rather than perish in hell where there will be weeping and knashing of teeth forever. What is fair is that sinners be punished for their sin. God is the perfect and Holy Creator of the universe. Offending Him is no small thing to be overlooked. What isn't fair is that God would punish His own Son instead of me and instead consider me sinless.
2 Cor 5:21 "For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.
My life is unfair, because I have much more than I deserve.
Deut 8:3 says about the Israelites, "He humbled you and let you be hungry, and fed you with manna which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that He might make you understand that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the LORD."
When God rained manna down on the Israelites when they were starving they could only collect enough for the given day. God satisfied their hunger for a day, but He didn't provide for tomorrow's hunger until tomorrow. Its true that cancer sucks because it could rob me of tomorrow. But it sure can't take away today. Joy is not found in tomorrow, it's found in today. Today I can find my nourishment in God who is my daily bread. God is making me hungry so that I might look to Him to satisfy me. Today I can rejoice because knowing God is so much more satisfying than the finest of foods.
Psalm 63:1 says, "O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly; My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You, In a dry and weary land where there is no water."
The true hunger of a human being is not for food, it is for God. And only God can satisfy the hungry soul.